Why I Started Music: The Beat That Never Stops

Backstory, I (CRXSH) was randomly one of the first Type Beat / Anti-Type Beat music producers on Youtube at one point. I think it may not mean much now where these things have become very saturated, although 6 million views and 20k subscribers ain't a bad stepping stone.

Eventually, I felt more encouraged to follow my original sound further, though I didn't always know how to label myself for others, I often felt like I didn't fit in more often than not.

For a period I thought it would be safer to ghostwrite on the side with hopes of working with larger artists, and where I was at, it seemed like the intuitive thing to do. Despite positive feedback it still always made me question where my energy was really needed. Too many things up in the air had me feeling ungrounded.

Let's run it back though…

So while that's technically the point many of my music world friends know of me, the spirit was in my blood ever since I came out a little 90's product of 2 Afropunk Parents and a Twin Cities melting pot. I guess you could say I was in the band from the jump.

I was a real quiet kid during phases for real I would frustrate people for not making a peep. It took a long time to go from attempting to rap with a sock on the mic in between two vertical mattresses to learning how to maneuver Star Trek studios, producing with butterier gear and fleshing bigger ideas out. I remember times when I had nothing left but a loaded laptop and whatever I could find, broken hard drives, and high hopes, with a Russ-like sense of belief.

Looking back, I'm forever grateful for my team now and the synergy that we share, the opportunities we've been given that have been supportive, we keep it real down to earth. Somehow I still run into people who knew me like an alter ego before, I guess that's the magic of music, those reactions give me fuel to keep going all the time and try new shit.

While I have deleted a lot and started fresh since I first began, it's always the love from people around the world along the way that hits differently, and I'm learning not to sleep on my influence even as I branch out.

In truth, I wanted to write the story of the fire 火影 today, but I guess this is just how the wind blew. You can hear more about it here.

At the end of the day, I do all this for us, and will never truly stop.

So this is the story of when I went up to the mountain top.

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I don’t live for reactions though, if left in a room for too long I’d probably start drumming on the table or record a new sample off my phone until somebody has an intervention and pulls me out of there lol.

Making music is therapeutic, and because I come from a musical family where my parents are actively in a band its kind of automatic and autopilot for me yet keeping up with trying to be an ‘influencer’ started feeling unnatural.

Long story short at some point I realized a lot of the spaces I was in when I would be traveling and doing music were not really helping me grow, so I had to step back and make space for myself, to figure out what I wanted to do with it all.

For a time I even lived in Hollywood with 34 people in one house paying insane amounts of money just to 'make it' lol and through it gained beautiful experiences, and friends I'll never forget.. and learned I’d rather level up in my own way than try and chase fame or become the same as some of my favorite artists.

Update: In context of The New Blue Sun dropping, I wrote more on this topic while reviewing Andre 3000's newest release after 17 years hiatus. There are several Creative Directors I look up to, not because they are Gods, but because they help us see the part of us that is connected to that Almighty Intelligence.

So with that said..

CRXSH Chronicles: About that one time I met Kanye..

Somewhere along CRXSH chronicles and normality of odd events in my life is the one time I met Kanye. I tried to play it off like it was casual even though I had always wanted to since I was a kid.

Despite how people might feel about Ye, I can wholeheartedly say I would not be making music or have pursued my dreams with the same vigor if it wasn't for him and other like him who came along to inspire us.

At the time… I don’t know if I was really supposed to be there, maybe I was.. who knows. Within the first 5 minutes of waking up on a perfectly normal morning, one of my 34 roomates in LA asked me if I wanted to go to 'Sunday Service'. Kanye was doing his underground tour with Sunday Service right as 'Jesus Is King' had dropped, and tbh I hadn't listened to it yet. No shade, though I'm not particularly religious, I can appreciate the wisdom of others in the powerful experiences we can feel together.

We Iast minute ended up hiking to a mountain top with a small group of people witnessing this majestic lowkey asf Sunday Service on a windy sanded hill out the blue, and like that, I realized these stars are just people too.

It was like walking into a symphony, with music, dancing, interpretations, and brief narration from ye himself. You couldn't help but be a little inspired, I don't know too many other people just doing this type of shit for fun.

It was an interesting moment going from, this is where I want to get to, to oh I'm kind of here, just invisible, nobody can see me and I am around so many greats. For a moment something dies, you don’t even know if you really want their life, thats no shade, but it showed me the awe-inspiring moments you can also enjoy without the burden of fame ironically.

I guess Cali has a way of showing you the difference between personas and real life in a way that demystifies the glam part in a humbling way when you wise up.

They told everybody no phones no pictures just vibes, and it was a deeply moving and beautiful art symphony experience thing, which is something I truly admired, at the end of the day it was still about the art.

I had a lot of respect for the way they put the whole thing together, Ye just took the backseat and let the other performers shine.

I learned a lot about Creative Directing and how to incorporate old elements in new ways that bring new life into timeless pieces.

After just like that after a glimpse, we all just went home like whatever. At that time I was Z level celebrity. Now, let's continue into the ever-magical realm of 2020.

Beyond The Hollywood Saga

What did it take to make it in the city of lost angels?

The reality of the rat race is only worth it til it ain't I suppose.

There are more ways to do it, and not being dependent on a major label or magical opportunity to come along meant creating new lanes for myself, so I took it as a challenge.

Becoming a more high-caliber person, not for ego's sake, just to pull off what I know is in my head - that's what it's going to take.

I know some people say hustle culture is dead, and I don't knock that, but talent is never enough, and work ethic almost always prevails as long as your character is right.

Everyone I met came out there with the same drive, in a place with people living on top of people packed in like sardines and somehow that pressure can make diamonds.

Yet just as everything was starting to click the tower fell.

During this time my spiritual awakening hit like a knock from my ancestors and the world kinda went to shit while nobody knew wtf was going on.

It was an odd time to exist and be, to say the least.

Rather than just make anything, I began to question the different reasons I was creating, seeing everything that seemed so much bigger than the music.

There were times when it would be hard to relate to people which caused me to go inward a lot, something told me to step back a bit and just observe and learn.

Some time passed, and I started working on Synesthesia and Rainbow Body some days it felt like I got a divine download, everything flowing out of me so easily like never before when I had previously had writer's block.

The only way I could describe this period is like a Megazord reassembling, it was good, bad, ugly, and the coolest thing ever.

In the midst of all this, one of my best friends passed away, someone I collaborated with a lot and who inspired me deeply, it became a lot harder to approach music.

Let’s rewind a bit though… right before all this, I had never lived outside the state, I was feeling like I had to get away and see the world to know where I belonged. You know when you feel like a seed planted in the wrong place?

Up until this point I had worked on 100’s of tracks, and would’ve been doing really good, but I was going through I lot internally because my ears were constantly ringing, and I thought I might have to quit making music, leaving my friends, and everything I love behind because I felt guilty and ashamed for letting everyone down and not being able to move forward with all the releases we had planned.

Not to mention it was a really confusing time, not being able to have fluid conversations with people sometimes without experiencing vertigo and just wanting to live my life like normal.

Image by Light Body Balancing: Click for more info on PEMF Technology

My Healing Journey: What I Did Instead

I remember going to the doc privately, trying to play it off as if it wasn’t a big deal, which wasn’t the most helpful in retrospect.

I remember one day before I was going to go back for them to do some tests and things I just went to Youtube and found a guy called The Motivational Doctor who told me 10x more than they ever told me when I went to the one in my area.

The guy even had some exercises that led me to discover my ears weren’t the problem, it was my neck (SEM Muscle, TMJ), and it had misaligned my jaw and caused a chain of things.

Needless to say, within a week I was doing worlds better after dealing with this condition for months.

I’m not sayin the answer to everyone’s problems is on Youtube, but keep an open mind. It was one of the first indicators that if I want to take care of myself I can’t leave it up to anyone else (unless its an extreme emergency) its up to me to know myself well enough, and prevent this type of thing from happening ever again.

OK SO post pandemic (whenever you assume that was, in between them dropping the next one like a mixtape) we’re in this great awakening shift of conscious potential, plus a slight forecasted chance of imminent AI takeover threat situation, and I’m sitting on 2 albums yet to release, already thinking about the third and reinventing the sound again. Issues. We got AI that can make the ‘perfect’ song in seconds, and all of us creators in the back hustling overtime still.

I never wanted to be on the hamster wheel with my gifts or skills if thats what it ever morphed into. Some people may try to gloss over this, or sugarcoat it, but I will be 1000% honest with you.

If you want to be a Music Artist in today’s world you will likely end up wearing many different hats because the demand for creators is increasing (especially Conscious Creators) and requiring new types of skills every day.

I realize the biggest skill I learned from making music at all was just being able to see the gold in people, to show them what it looks like and capture it in a moment, a snapshot in a form we can keep and love forever. A whole lotta Heart Chakra. I can do this a number of different ways, it just means thinking outside the box a bit to stay true to the mission.

The best art always helps me innerstand myself differently, its the fish that swims the other way, you get to confront something.

The second biggest skill was to get organized!

An evolving thought…

The Self Pt. 1 - Rough Draft* (featuring friends from earlier ^^^)

What did it teach me?

If anything it allowed me the space and freedom to teach and find myself. Within exploring The Self we got glimpses of the video above (a precursor to my first course on Metaphysical Anatomy & Creativity) and some deeper insights I think my fellow creative entrepreneurs can pull from…

Being in such a high level of competitive energy, sometimes the pressure can cause you to stretch yourself beyond what you thought was possible. In my case, it helped me balance my creative right brain with the business of the left side. In a deeper sense, making music is a lot like marketing, just in a different language.

The metaphysical impacts of a song touch multiple realities simultaneously unlike anything else. Prince once said politics can’t move a room full of people the way music can,. He might’ve been onto something with that one.

When I think back, I really owe it to Exxe, my guy Suite, Pelly, the whole gang at KYN Collective for holding down the frequency while I was in cryogenesis. My fam too, but I don’t need to go off on a whole Grammy speech lol...

It's a certain type of bond you make when you collaborate with musicians though, looking at the amount of moments it takes to create a single line of a song that the fan interprets in the language of the stories they have closest to them.

In some ways music is escapism, a direct line to the magic of a feeling we never knew we needed. No matter what you sell you are the DJ at the center of it all, and how you curate the experience is what keeps the lights on.

The energy exchange is the party, people coming to heal their 8 deepest desires for: life enjoyment, social acceptance, sexual companionship, freedom from fear, comfort with clarity, perceived status, and to be in the tribe. 

Cont.

Images from my art store @ Time Travel Arts

Extended Thoughts: The Power Of The DJ

Lately, as I have been writing a lot more, I'm led to topics and themes to create with that challenge conventional thinking.

In the same way, I would crate-dig for music samples going through old records nobody ever heard of just to find the gold, my research is digging for treasures that inspire and help translate remnants of the lost world.

Below is a bit from our paranormal investigations you may find interesting…

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A side dive: Something I realized courtesy of mentor Sevan Bomar & Secret Energy.

Concerning the music industry, there are several forms of energy that I see at play on a mainstream level, so this might be interesting to anyone interested in word origins and etymology.

When doing something as spiritual as music, whether you consider yourself spiritual or not you are going to inevitably interact with forces you cannot see and maybe do not understand.

Basically, there are more animals in the zoo.

The Djinn, also known as Jinn or genies, are supernatural creatures most commonly described in Ancient Islamic mythology as well as in Middle Eastern folktales (Possibly having other names).

As a relic species, many hypothesize their existence may take form across all cultures, yet may be understood through other names.

They are said to have been created from smokeless fire, and possess both free will and immense power.

In the Quran, they are cited as beings that live in a parallel world to mankind. These beings can be good, evil, or neutrally benevolent and hence have free will like humans. They are said to believe the planet is theirs.

Their existence is said to inhabit the infernal regions, as paraphrased in the Koran, Sura and the relationship between the djinn, jinn, and humankind is a profound one.

According to Mohammed, the 'djinn' are thieves of the night and steal children, a class of 'demon' commensurate in Middle Eastern and Helene mythology with a 'Dragon: 'Sentinel' or 'Watcher'. 

The Djinn, in their role as unseen influencers and shapers of our reality, can reveal DJs or marketers.

They are unseen forces, manipulating energies in unseen ways. Just as a DJ or marketer shapes and directs the energies of music or a brand, the Djinn are believed to shape and direct the unseen energies of the world.

They exist in a parallel realm, influencing our reality in ways that are often beyond our immediate perception. 

Furthermore, the Djinn, like the Jedi and the Pharaoh during the Djed festival, serve as intermediaries between different realms of existence.

The Jedi act as conduits between the physical realm and the metaphysical realm of the Force.

The Pharaoh, during the Djed festival, acted as a conduit between the earthly realm and the divine realm.

The Djinn, residing in their parallel realm, are often depicted as intermediaries between the human realm and the metaphysical or spiritual realms. 

In essence, the DJ, the marketer, the Jedi, the Pharaoh, and the Djinn (while different entities) all serve as conduits or channels, shaping, directing, and influencing energies in their respective realms.

They represent the idea that all realms of existence are interconnected, and that there are beings or entities that serve to mediate and manage the flow of energies between these realms, contributing to the grand tapestry of existence. 

This realization can lead to a deeper understanding of our own roles as individuals in this vast cosmos. We are all, in our own ways, influencers and shapers of energy, contributing to the collective experience of existence in ways that are often beyond our immediate perception.

Lastly, this is not written to scare you away from DJs, that would be only a surface-level look into the story.

The truth is more the opposite.

In this we're only looking at the similar qualities carried by the word essence, knowing the specific definition can change across time and culture.

The Djedi may choose to wield their force for dark, light, or anything in between. Its just up to us to be aware of our own vibration.

Etymology Of The 'DJ'

The combination of the letters 'D' and 'J' can indeed hold significance, though it largely depends on the linguistic and cultural context in which they are used. 

The letter 'D' in the Phoenician language was called 'Dalet' which means 'door'. It symbolized a pathway or a place of change.

In the Greek alphabet, 'Delta', the equivalent of 'D', is a triangle, a symbol of change. In English and many other languages, 'D' often denotes direction, duration, and division. 

The letter 'J', on the other hand, is a relatively recent addition to the alphabet, derived from 'I' in the modern period. In Latin, 'I' was used as both a vowel and a consonant.

As a consonant, it often represented the sound of 'Y' as in 'hallelujah'.

The dot was added to distinguish the consonantal 'I' (J) from the vowel 'I'.

In English, 'J' is often associated with joy, jubilation, and journey. 

When 'D' and 'J' are combined, as in 'DJ' (disc jockey), they create a new meaning that is more than the sum of their parts. The 'D' could be seen as symbolizing the direction or change brought about by the 'J', the joy or journey of music. 

In terms of phonetics, the combination of 'D' and 'J' produces a voiced palato-alveolar affricate, a complex consonant sound that begins like a 'd' and ends like a 'j'. This sound is not common in English words, which may give it a certain novelty or power when spoken. 

In the creational aspect, words and letters are believed to hold power in many traditions. In Kabbalah, for instance, the letters of the Hebrew alphabet are seen as the building blocks of creation.

In Hindu philosophy, the syllable 'Om' is considered the sound of the universe itself. While 'D' and 'J' may not hold such profound significance, the act of speaking or writing them can be a creative act, shaping reality through language. 

However, it's important to note that these interpretations are largely speculative and symbolic.

The meanings of letters can vary greatly across different languages and cultures, and their power often lies more in the meanings we ascribe to them than in any inherent properties they possess.

Discussing Jedis, Mind Tricks, Music, Marketing, Life..

So why am I talking about DJ’s and Creative Business Marketing? Marketing (the akilles heal of most creative people lol) in essence, is conveying a world to experience, a journey for your audience to step into that gives them a reason to stay, and something they discover and can take with them. Music and design do the same thing, but what's the real link, if any at all?

In learning to be a songwriter, or a marketing copywriter you are learning what resonates with people, the vulnerabilities you explore, and the way you present it is like a mantra that rings in the heads of everyone you reach. It causes you to have a genuine interest in people, psychology, and the frequency/vibe/vibrations that we connect on.

This all takes place in the Latent Space referenced in the recent Tribe Vibes build.

More often than not you don’t know you needed the song until you hear it. Going to shows or festivals, and listening to radios and playlists, is all like going shopping, or grocery shopping for your musical diet.

What you put in is what you become, just like fresh food with the electrical potential of the soul and life can nourish you because it still retains the original vibrational frequency before it becomes too processed and/or fried and dead.

Stepping back, it’s all about the frequency first. The frequency matters and is how matter moves. The frequency we are on is the waveform we emit, it’s always going to be either life-giving or life-taking, so I always speak the phrase “Speak Life” to remember what I’m doing from moment to moment.

I’ve seen people sell their souls and seen people volunteer through what they believe and recite to themselves and others each day. Nobody is perfect, although there are times we have to raise the bar and the standard for our base level. People might see me and be like… how can you be into ‘h3Al!ng’ and make a song like ‘@3$%56’ or use bad words? Maybe that is the enigma of how we transmute the negativity used against us into our biggest ally.

I don't ever want to shy away from the rawness, the juxtaposition that makes us do a double take. The myriad of anomalies, the giant clusterfuck of humanity in a meme like a droplet of water is only gas for the trip.

I’m not here to be a saint or a guru, I’m just a dude with a vision, I don’t wanna paint false utopias, I represent what is raw and real, stand for something, or fall for anything. I don’t think everybody needs to pretend to have halos, some angels are the fake source that some demons get mistaken for.

When you get deep into the spelling these words are spells, I always tell storytellers not to lead their audience off a cliff. If a screenwriter brings me through some hard shit it better be worth it. So when it comes to creative responsibility, it's not the surface but the journey within the piece that matters at the end of the day.

Where Am I Now? Where Is CRXSH?

Where Am I Now? Somewhere in the middle of my own version(s) of the hero’s journey, a lot better than where I started and nowhere near the end.

I have a small team growing every day and a network I’m proud of that is plotting to takeover the world, as always. Lol just not in an Illuminati way… 

I don’t say that lightly though, Hitting the bottom really sucked. I lost friends, I lost family, I lost myself for a second, but my shadow still held on. 

So I took a break. For months, I stepped away from producing. I found a "normal" job to pay the bills and didn't look back. Or so I thought. 

Because in the silence, I realized how much music still mattered. I discovered research on how sound frequencies can shift consciousness and impact our nervous system. I learned ancient cultures used instruments for healing and meditation.  

I feel a lot better, more healthy, more vibrant, more inspired, more passionate, and more purposeful. Personally, as I create now I know what I’ll be making is part of a new chapter I’m excited for.

As I’m tapping into more of my potential and finding more balance on my self-discover I can say Quantum Biofeedback and various forms of Energetic Healing have unlocked several crucial doors that shifted my paradigm and turned a lot around for me.

I don’t want to overpromise or gas you up, each person is going to have a different experience depending on what they have going on.

For me, I’m a nerd for holistic health, it helped me align my lifestyle, nutrition, habits, and health in a way that empowered me rather than leaving it in a stranger's hands or up to fate. It helps me appreciate the wisdom of my ancestors more and connects me to my higher parts to see things on an expanded level.

I can’t begin to scratch the surface of how powerful sound is in one article, just know that they say the world as we know it started with it, and if you want to know more about vibrational living, read around on my blog here at Light Body Balancing.

Check out my recent Locavart interview above hosted by Mary Prescott & Sanguine Arts

Conclusion

So with that said, yeah, expect new music as much as I can make it, and I’ll also be doing a lot of other things.

I actually grew up drawing and sketching my own comic books, so expect to see way more art and visuals coming out through Time Travel Arts (exploring the ways art transcends space and time) where you can find my latest pieces, and soon to-be deep dives of the lost history of Earth (and how it relates to what is happening RIGHT NOW).

Also, I’ve been deep in the trenches developing new software solutions for upcoming creators, hopefully, within the next few months, we’ll have a whole ecosystem bussin' over here where you can find everything you need, everything I’ve learned and wished someone would’ve told me earlier, along with all the best news coming out.

If you're a fellow musician and want to find my studio setup, or curious about home and gear recommendations, here are my top easy-to-find items on Amazon.

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